There's a Holiday Tomorrow, Shop Now!

 

I went to the store today to buy some coffee and milk.  As I write that sentence and reflect on how innocuous that sounds, I think of how I felt when I left the house to go to the supermarket this morning.  It seemed like a typical Saturday, and I expected the store to be a little busier than it would be on a weeknight (when I usually go shopping).  How wrong I was.

I forgot to consider that the store will be closed tomorrow, and that meant that everyone and their dog would be at the supermarket stocking up.  I had never seen so many carts full to the brim.  It was just like I see on those coupon shows where the husband and wife are pulling three shopping carts up to the checkout at a time.

Perhaps I just don't understand the significance of a holiday.  The supermarket will be closed for one whole day.  I guess that is reason enough to panic.  When the zombie apocalypse arrives, I'm sure we will be no less vigilant.  Heaven forbid anyone run out of Pillsbury crescent rolls or tacquitos.  We're talking life or death here.

I just couldn't join the fray.  I didn't even bother getting a cart.  I took a handbasket and tried to get out as quickly as possible.  I easily qualified for the express lane, but couldn't get over to it, so just lined up behind anyone I could.  I was almost run over by carts numerous times.  I heard several people remark on how "crazy" it was, but they didn't give up and go home either.

All I can conclude is that life is weird.

Sports, not Distractions

Sports on TV are fantastic, especially now in High Definition.  You would think I have nothing to complain about, no reason to rant, no frustrations to vent at all.  Sadly, you'd be wrong.  When it gets right down to it, there is too much stuff on the screen.

Don't get me wrong, I like information, and stats, and other relevant stuff.  My thing is, I don't need it all the time.  I don't need a tickertape running below or above the action.  I don't need to know the score all the time.  I have a pretty good memory, so I wouldn't mind being updated every couple of minutes as opposed to constantly.

Is this so much to ask?

Last night, on Hockey Night in Canada, they were promoting the second screen.  That means you should have your laptop (or most likely tablet or smart phone) opened up and web surfing while watching the game.  Okay, multi-tasking I get it.

However, aren't they really telling us that the game isn't exciting and you should divide your attention between two screens?  Aren't they just hitting us with two screens to show commercials on?  Are you falling for it?

When I look at Europe, with sponsors names being bigger than the team crest I am saddened.  When I look at North America where every power play, every penalty, every face off is "brought to you by..." some sponsor, I am saddened.  Even going to the game is no respite from the barrage of advertising and mostly irrelevant information.  Of course fellow patrons spend most of their time on their smart phones, so they might not notice how many things are taking away from the game.

I predict in the future:

Golf balls will have sponsorship labels on them (of course we will be able to follow them as they fly through the air and down the course)

Lacing up skates will be brought to you by Tim Hortons.

Players heart rates during games will be on screen for everyone to see.

Even seat part of your seat will have an ad on it.

Toilet paper in the men's room (and ladies' room as well) will have ads on them.

The screen will be even more cluttered with stats like shot velocity, basketball rpm, tennis ball wear, bathroom break elapsed time counters, and skate sharpness reports.

You may think I am overreacting (and I am) but my bleak version of the future probably isn't that far away.

I long for the simple beauty of the game.

Get Out of My Way

 

 

Suitcases with telescopic handles and actually functioning wheels is are a great idea.  Fantastic.  My first luggage set came with casters (which are not wheels, no matter what you think) and was more likely to tip over than casually trail behind me at the airport.  So, I welcome these great inventions.  However, whatever person thought that they should replace their briefcase, or purse, or whatever they pack all their work or school crap in and take them to public places should be publicly flogged.

On my bus journey there are a couple of these offenders.  Their bags stick out into the aisleways, they take much more time to get on and off the bus, and worse, while navigating the space between the bus and the subway platforms, they weave all over the place cutting people like me off.  When you have to pull a trailer on your car, you need to do some training (don't you)?  These people seem incredibly oblivious to the large rolling mass behind them.  They don't seem to care that my feet get run over, or that I trip when the seemingly uncontrollable need to move side to side strikes these rolling suitcases of death.

I could write about idiots with backpacks that clunk into people's heads with alarming frequency--certainly there is a special place in hell for them (hopefully next to the idiots with their MP3 players turned up too loud, or next to room full of overly loud cell phone users who talk about mostly inappropriate topics)  I could write about any number of clearly foolish people.  Right now, though, I need all my venom for people and their large rolling suitcases.

What are they transporting to and from work that they need such a large bag?  If I was their boss, I would certainly be wondering if corporate espionage was behind it.  Either way, they take up too much space, and seem always to be in my way when I have places to go.

Tales of the Lazy

 

 

What if technology is too smart for someone's brain?  Today's smartphones put all kinds of information within easy reach, but does that matter if you don't reach for it.  That old question of whether a tree falling in the forest makes any sound if there is no one to hear it kind of applies.  Having all the information has no effect if you don't ask the question.

Several of my students confided in me recently that they wouldn't have come here (Canada) to study if they had known what the weather was going to be like.  (Of course, we were working on third conditional sentences, so perhaps they were just making a joke....perhaps....honestly, their facial expressions conveyed that there was some truth to their sentences--but I digress)  Several students did, in fact, make this assertion.  This is nothing new to me because I hear it every year.  However, I paused to reflect because every single student has a smartphone.  Every student can find obscure bits of trivia rather quickly.  My only question was, why didn't they know about the weather?

When I went abroad, now almost twenty years ago, I was armed only with a Lonely Planet guidebook, a look at an atlas and a few pamphlets from the Japanese Consulate (which contained some fabulously out of date photos even then--imagine how old they look now) I didn't have the opportunity to look up anything on the internet.  I read that book (and those brochures) cover to cover.  The truth is, nothing can compare to being there, but I did the best I could.  The funny thing is, I think I was better prepared than my students, who seem surprised at so many things.

I keep forgetting to ask them how they prepared for their trip.  Maybe I am afraid that they will answer honestly, that is to say, they really didn't prepare.  I am reaching that conclusion on my own anyway.  They can find every variation of the Harlem Shake known to man, but couldn't find out that it snows in Canada in the winter?  Seems too unbelievable to be true.  Sadly, it is. 

If I had to guess, they probably don't look up anything until it is staring them in the face.  I have this image of my students landing at the airport, and then having to enter the following words in the search box.  "Toronto, white stuff on ground, cold" and seeing what Google tells them.  You'd think that some of that might have come up when packing.

If I have said it once, I've said it a thousand times.  Smartphones, don't make smart people.