Irony (or something like it)

It isn't hard to find irony in life.  I am probably using the definition incorrectly, but I care little.  People call it ironic, so that's good enough for me.  If it has become cliche, too bad.

I started watching the first season of Game of Thrones, and like all good TV shows it has its own tag line--"winter is coming"  Nothing wrong with that.  It's probably good for the show, and good for people watching it.  It would bother me less if they didn't say it every ten seconds. but that's television for you.

The irony is that I just started watching it on Friday night, and I have only gotten through the first four episodes (six more to go). "Winter is coming.  Winter is coming."  Of course it is, and that's why I woke up on Saturday with a yard full of snow.  I guess winter is here. 

I don't recall anyone calling for snow on the weather forecast, and I certainly didn't read about it in the paper (and that includes the horoscope section).  Granted, I wasn't really paying attention on Friday morning--last day of work for the week, black Friday nonsense, and all that.

I really shouldn't complain (though I didn't get all my raking done).  The stores have already decorated for Christmas, so why shouldn't the planet get in on the act as well.  Dress it up for the holidays.  Christmas is only one month away.  If only there was hockey on TV.

Dealing with a Courier Company

My package arrived undamaged, but ....

Nothing is as frustrating as sheer incompetence.  I am not talking about small mistakes, or mix ups.  I am talking about outright incapability.  For the past two weeks I have been a victim of this incompetence, and I need to share it with you.

Not long ago (actually longer ago than it should have been) I ordered something from US Amazon (Amazon Canada does not have nearly the amount of stuff available elsewhere in the Amazon world).  The problem is that this was through an affiliate website.

I ordered a train display case.  Shortly after the order was taken and paid for, I received a confirmation email stating that my package was sent--actually it wasn't .  After waiting a month, and my package not showing up, I sent an email wondering what was going on.  I was informed that my product was on back order and would be shipped the following week.  No apology was given and my next two emails were ignored.

Now I know this sounds bad (and I agree that it is, and I won't buy things from these people again--though, had they offered me an apology, I would have given them the benefit of the doubt) but that wasn't the worst of it.

The package was sent by UPS.  On Monday, I arrived at home to find a notice stuck to my front door informing me that I had a package awaiting delivery and notifying me that some money was owed before delivery could be made.  It also mentioned that they would only try three times.

In retrospect I should have had the package delivered to my place of employment. I chose not to so that I wouldn't have to lug this over-sized box on public transportation and incovenience other people.

Well, I called them and told them to try and deliver it on Friday.  I expected to be home that day, and could receive the package.  Of course, ignoring everything I said, they attempted delivery the next day.  I started worrying that they would try again on Wednesday and then I would have broken the aforementioned 3 attempt rule.  I called again and Friday delivery was confirmed.

Casually, I asked them about the package and they mentioned that it was 7" x 7" x 7".  This certainly wasn't the kind of train display case that I had in mind.  The one I was expecting was supposed to be 36"x18"x2"  I quickly became convinced that this was not my package.  Just to be on the safe side, I asked several employees whether these were actually measured, or just randomly generated.  Twice I was told that this was done by some kind of scanning laser. (I sent an email about this to the original seller, but never received a reply)  So I told them not to deliver the package and return it.

Surprise, surprise, on Friday they attempted to deliver the package.  I called, and they informed me that delivery was attempted at 7pm.  As I was home, and not sleeping or listening to loud music, and my doorbell works, that wasn't true.  I arrived home at 5 and found the notice on my door.

I called and reminded them to send back the package.  This didn't require too much effort.  I just had to answer the same questions and wait for the same confirmation I had gone through a couple of days earlier--I guess practice makes perfect.

The original company called me and told me that I would lose the shipping money if I returned the package.  I called them back and hashed it out with the customer service department.  (I still received no apology but in the end I decided to accept the package at my work and brave the ride home on the bus).

I called UPS and told them all of this.  I even found out that I could pay the small fee I had to pay over the phone (though this was never mentioned in my numerous calls to them).  I instructed them to send the package to my place of employment.  They said it would not come the next day, but would take an additional day.  By this point, the word whatever had become my go to world.

They were correct.  The next day the package didn't show up at my work.  However, when I arrived home it was propped up against my door.  I guess it was a miracle.

In the end, I got my package.  However, the process was far from painless, the courier company pretty much ignored every request I made, and the manufacturer never once said sorry for sending me a completely false confirmation letter.  I guess customer service is pretty irrelevant to some people.

How to Organize a Bookstore

I wonder why a bookstore can't do a better job of categorizing its books.  They usually have all the standard categories, (fiction, non fiction, cooking, selfhelp...) but that just doesn't cut it any longer.  In this age of thousands of TV channels, each with their own specialty, people want (and seem to need) and respond better to narrower classifications.  That has to be the reason behind the Game Show Network, and the All Reality TV Network. (okay sometimes there can be too much specialization)

I think bookstores should, at least, add a few categories.  It wouldn't necessarily increase the number of books, but would make finding some of them easier.  I am always happy when I go to a bookstore and find that they have separated the fantasy from the science fiction.  If only my local library could separate both of them from the general fiction area I would be happier.

I don't think what I am proposing is so hard, or so radical.  They do a lot of other things to make life easier for customers (self checkout, price scanners, loyalty points, computer screens) so why not go one, lest costly, step further?

For a start, I would love to see the already noted separation of fantasy and science fiction. (and would be even happier if they put all that vampire stuff somewhere else, but if that's what's selling....well, they're not going to put it in some deep dark corner are they?)  I say this despite the fact that fantasy is what is selling these days and what dominates this section of the bookstore.

What about having a section devoted to books that were made into films? (and not books that were written after the films--because that is definitely not the same thing)  I think people would be surprised to find out how different (and usually how much better) the books were from the films.

Of course this idea will be somewhat blurred because of all the aforementioned vampire and fantasy literature which is so quickly being turned into movies, or huge budgeted properties on cable TV.  Regardless of how much of that I won't read, I stand by my assertions.

Which categories do you think they should have.  I welcome your comments.

Movember

In case you didn't know, it is Movember (that month where guys grow hideous moustaches in a bid to raise both money and awareness of prostate cancer).  If you have a chance, please support those who are growing moustaches and give generously.

I am taking part this year, and my "MoBros" and I are hoping to raise both of the aforementioned things. (money and awareness)  We are fourteen days in and my moustache is itchy and I am definitely getting the "wrestler" look on.

Remember, it is Movember.

When They Put You on Hold....

I thought we lived in a high tech world.  We have computers the size of a chocolate bar that can do more than a room full of them used to do.  We can watch TV anywhere on the planet.  All of this is done by huge telecommunication companies.

So, why is it that when you call these companies, you have to listen to terrible, poorly recorded music when they put you on hold?  Why do they subject us to this stuff when they have power over the lines?  Since they own the lines, they should be able to offer us some choice.  Why can't I choose the music I listen to?  Press one for Jazz.  Press two for blues.  Press three for pop.  (you get the idea)  Shouldn't that be easy for them to do?  Why is it that they can't apply some of their high tech to themselves?

Every time I get put on hold, I am forced to listen to some horrible music.  The only time I get spared from this is when they  take time out of torturing me to force me to listen to some overly long and brutally boring commercial.  I am not sure which is worse.

We haven't got the jet packs that they promised us, but we did get some pretty crappy hold music.

Walk with Purpose

I walk fast. I admit it.  I am a fast walker.  This doesn't mean I am the fastest in the world or that I can blaze by anyone, or that I should be in the Olympics.  People who are taller than I, can certainly put together much longer strides and cover a greater distance that I can.  No problem.  If you're faster than I am, great, you won't be in my way.  If you're slower than I am, then not to worry, I will blow past you and not look back (unless of course you're beautiful, then I will look back and probably crash into someone in front of me--I will look stupid, but that is the price I pay.)

 

The problem is not with the fast or the slow.  The problem rests squarely on the undecided.  You know those people.  They walk from side to side, speed up to get in front of you and then slow down.  They walk without purpose or rhythm.  I tried to go past them on the right, they veer that way.  I try to get by on the left and they amble that way.  The worst thing is that they suddenly, as if remembering that they left the stove on, stop and ponder.  I've got places to go!

I seem to attract these people because they are always in front of me.  Getting off the bus, or getting off the subway, or on the stairs when I am heading to work, or most likely, when I am heading down to the subway and it is about to depart.  The stairwell is wide enough for three people abreast, but not when they are there.  They move in an odd diagonal pattern pausing occasionally (no doubt to check their cell phone signal strength--though why it might be different on that day no one has been able to tell me) or putting their arms out as if in flight.  The train is about to leave!

The treadmill has become a popular piece of gym equipment.  I see people on them all the time, or buying them from the store.  When they get on them, they seem to understand the concept.  Why hasn't this filtered down to the real world.

I am not a patient person.  I can be, when getting to work on time, or catching a bus or subway is not critical.  Yes, another subway will be along in two minutes, but that's two minutes later.  I just want people to walk with purpose.  If I don't have to get somewhere, I won't be walking in front of you.  I'll be at a bar having drink, or sitting on a bench reading a book.  If I have to get somewhere, I won't be zigzagging directly in front of you.  If you want to pass me, please do, on either the right or left. 

Shrinking Food, Unaware Customers

When people from my generation talk, occasionally, they remark that something seems smaller than when they were young.  The typical place this comment is aimed is at Wagon Wheels.  Everyone remembers when they were gigantic, and today they seem really small.  Honestly, when we were young, we were small, and some stuff looked bigger than it really was. However, there are many examples of things getting smaller, which seems to have been done to keep from raising the price.

Now coke comes in an 18 pack.  18 is a far cry from the two dozen that I expect coke to come in.  If they did that with beer, there would blood in the streets and revolution in the air.  I also remember buying a 600mL coke, but now it is only 591mL.  Does that seem right to you?

Most can goods have done the same thing.  The number of millilitres is always some awkward number because they started out at a standard round number, but have gradually crept it down so that instead of 750mL we get a number like 682mL.  How stupid do they think we are?  Did they think we wouldn't notice?  Of course not.  They knew we would notice, but they felt confident that we wouldn't say anything.

This must happen all the time.  We are given smaller versions of things and we accept it.  Over time, our products are shrinking. When I bought potato chips as a kid, they had to rather big bags inside one really big bag.  These days, the bag you get chips in is probably smaller than one of the two you got originally.

Only once, in the history of marketing, has this ever backfired.  One company of feminine products decided to reduce the number from 30 to 24.  This was met with a conscious and subconscious boycott which forced the company to rethink its strategy and sell the product in its original size.

 

It isn't just food.  Comic books used to have a hundred pages, now they have somewhere in the neighbourhood of 20.  Remember Mad Magazine?  I would say that fewer pages mean fewer laughs.

Why can't the rest of us do this?  Why are we towing the company line?  Next time I find a company doing this I will report it here, and I will send off as many emails as I can, and join any boycott I can.  If you find a product like this, attach a comment to this blog.